I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
