:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
