here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
