Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
