I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
