if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
