I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
