just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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