Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
