Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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