I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
