after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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