you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
