I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
