I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
