Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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