No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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