apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think i just lost a toe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
