I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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