last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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