Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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