The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
