Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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