everyone is single if you try hard enough
well you can't waste a boner
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
