Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
