I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
