Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
