I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
