i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
