I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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