you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
