Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
