For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
