When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
