I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
