Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
