I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and she was petting her beer can
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
