my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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