i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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