i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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