i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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