Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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