I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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