Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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