So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
