just tell him i said nine months
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
