mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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