you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
