Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
