i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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