Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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